just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
