to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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