I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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