My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
