who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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