"it" just moved
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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