found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
