We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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