Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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