I'm pants shitting drunk right now
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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