this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
