My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
