found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
