I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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