too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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