You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
