you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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