you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
