Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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