I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
