well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
