hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
