how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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