I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
