Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I know her cup size but not her name....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
