it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
