Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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