do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
