Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
