my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
