he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
