Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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