On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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