Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
