ya dads aren't the best wingmen
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
