One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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