yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
