I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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