Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
