Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
