Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
