how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
