Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
