his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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