He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
