so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
