I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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