we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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