Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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