My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
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I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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