I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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