I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
