So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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