What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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