Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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