i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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