its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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