You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
