OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
