They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
