I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
