my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
