u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
