Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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