I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
