The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
