feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
