We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
