connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
