Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
