9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
