Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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